Importance of Teaching Public Speaking

Public speaking is ranked the #1 fear of most people. This is above the fear of dying! Why is this? I have a few reasons.

1. Most of our first experiences with speaking were in a classroom environment where we had to write a paper then present it to the class. There are a multitude of problems with this.
2. The strategies people have given for hundreds of years to overcome speech anxieties don't work.
3. We wait to teach speech until students are already in vulnerable peer driven ages and stages.
4. The importance and life impacts of learning how to speak in public is not impressed upon students so they don't see it as something they need to do or learn.
5. And the biggest problem...Public speaking has always been taught in a way that it seems all about YOU. 

I've read countless books and curriculums on public speaking but few, if any, will get that extremely shy student over their fear of public speaking. They either take a very formal approach to presentation skill which is too far ahead of where most students are starting or they simplify it to where the power and influence of what you can learn from public speaking is lost. 

Probably the reason most students and thereby adults are afraid of public speaking is their first experience. We all had the class that we had to write a report on (Insert name of object we don't care about here). We then had to come to class, maybe with visual aids, costumes or even worse just stand there and give the report. What happened? We stood there and READ our report! This is not public speaking; this is reading out loud. We read it to be sure that we didn't miss something in the paper because our grade depended on it. It wasn't a subject we were familiar with or able to talk candidly about. If it was English class it was even worse because a dangling preposition, wordiness and repetition, or improper verb tenses could be held against us.  And sadly most of a student's speeches will come in English class.  English teachers are generally not a great place to learn speech. No offense to English teachers but speech writing and essay writing is a lot different. I have been told by corresponding English teachers in places I taught speech that I ruined their students with my speech class. I beg to differ. 

I teach with the Hamburger Method (or extended 5 finger essay, paragraph or whatever similar strategy we're given in the early English years) You must have a bun on top and bottom. They are made of the same thing but slightly different. These are your introduction and conclusion.  And the inside is all the fixings or the main points. We literally have a meal attached to our first class that you get tickets to the burger (or sandwich bar) and you can only get what you gave. Many students will eat that day with half a sandwich and probably no bun. I will also say here that I encourage this to be done impromptu or with outlines only, especially at first, never a fully written paper. Kids can generally talk about something that interests them but handing them pen and paper freaks them out because it became formal. Plus it hinders them from truly speaking to the audience. Using this method I got many students over the hump and into more advanced English classes because they now felt confident enough with the structure and form of basic writing. Now they just needed the words, grammar and eloquence to make it an A+ essay.

I laugh at the most popular methods taught for overcoming speech anxiety. "Imagine the audience in their underwear", now in what world does that actually help? But the more popular approach is to look at a spot over their heads or in the back of the room. That's a terrible idea. Speeches are suppose to connect to an audience and you instruct the speakers to NOT connect with the audience. Always be over prepared is another one I see in many curriculums. I see the theory here but see the drawbacks more glaringly. The over prepared is generally the over memorized. They get midway into a speech and forget a word or even worse a section and they can't regroup and move on. The over prep gives more time to over think and in turn possibly over worry as well. The converse is also true. If you are told you will only do well if you over prepare and you know you didn't, then do you take a self defeating attitude and kill your potential before you've even start? These methods don't teach comfort but rather just getting through it.

Some students will do speeches in elementary school but most of those are again report reading. But in high school most students won't escape the necessity of giving a presentation. As we mentioned earlier there are problems with when and where this happens, but even in the best of settings, if we've waited until hormones have hit, peer groups dominate and social norms are insisted upon, we're setting them up for an enormous hurdle to climb. Even students with unlimited speaking potential can fall prey to the peer pressure, self esteem issues and other insecurities. We need to start early and start fun. Young students have fewer insecurities about standing up and talking on things they really love. If they learn from a fun aspect they will transfer over into those more mundane speaking projects with much more ease.

My biggest success story as a teacher was a young man that literally would lean back away from you when you talked to him. He was so shy that I knew him over a year before he would speak to me. So yes, I convinced him he should take speech. He was very faith driven and I convinced him that he should join speech to feel more confident in speaking out about his faith. Using fun, life interacting speech assignments and games he would try to give speeches but would just freeze, looking for that perfect word that was suppose to go next. It wasn't easy for him and it didn't come naturally by any means. About mid semester we did interview skills. I explained to the class that many companies had gone to group interviews and this would be critical in their future.  I taught the kids how to take real life experiences to apply to the questions since as students they didn't have job experiences yet family, school, sports, etc could be their answers. Being from a large family I asked a question that he could relate to. He applied the life in a large family to the question and literally talked over the allotted time without those awkward silences. We all jumped around and celebrated but the smile that came over his face was priceless. He went on to add an impromptu topic app to his smart phone, telling his mother this was the most important thing he could learn from his high school years.  He went on to do competitive speech and debate with our team. Don't get me wrong, there were still awkward long pauses and he was far from comfortable, but he saw the importance and worked really hard at it. The young man participated in a 6 hour long interview process for a scholarship at college and received the full award. He accredits it to my speech class. He even sent me his scores from his college public speaking class. Funny enough, he got counted off for talking too long. It's a life skill that we all need and learning it early will only help later in life. Be it class projects, interview skills, business presentations or more personal endeavors like wedding vows, eulogies, or personal faith testimonies, public speaking will come in handy in our future.

So speech was all about pass or fail in that classroom assignment. We've seen it was all about acceptance or rejection in that peer group sitting there watching. We don't like public speaking because in our minds we're identifying all the flaws in ourselves. Did I say the right thing? Did I wear the right thing? They don't like me. My speech is boring.... The list of things we find wrong is endless. But the problem is we're focused on ourselves. Speeches are not about us. Read that again. It's not about YOU!! Somewhere in those boring textbooks we read about the term audience. Term defined and let's move on. But wait! The most important part of the equation IS the audience. Therefore this speech isn't about you; it's about them. If they speak on something they love first before we assign them the mundane school subject report, then they can give a gift to the audience of their knowledge and passion. Once we frame speaking as gift giving, it's no longer about you. But you only enjoy gift giving when you're invested in the gift. So first speeches should be their ideas, off the cuff, with love and exuberance.  Even then it's still hard for that shy student. I have had on a couple ocassions little girls in the front of the room giving that first speech shaking with a little fear and maybe even a tear running down their face but they have this big smile and say, "I'm sorry I know it's not about me, I just need to teach my body that now."  By the second or third speech the tears are gone and the shaking is barely noticeable. And if you've really done your job they come back for speech again next year, they loved it so much.

There are many different tactics I use and a more detailed list of how to improve speeches which I am considering writing a book/curriculum about, but taking these basic ideas you can reframe public speaking as the most important thing you can learn in school as opposed to the #1 fear in life.

Home School Sports and Public Access

One argument for more access to public schools has always been for sports. I personally am not an advocate for public school access for sports but not because I don’t understand the passion for sports. I am a mom of boys. My oldest was tackle football, lived and breathed it, from the time he was 6 years old. My youngest was basketball, again playing since he was 5 years old. When my oldest was approaching his last days in rec ball we were considering putting him back in school to be able to play highschool football. We too were confused by the harm of access. However, I just couldn’t see giving up such a good thing in homeschooling to go back into schools and risks that entailed. The answer? Homeschool sports.

 In 2004, faced with the dilemma of an 8th grader wanting football I – a mere homeschool mom- created Force Highschool Athletics. Force is still around today with similar success as we had in those founding years. They offer football and cheerleading. But is it REAL football? We had played in the public rec department all the way through our elementary and middle school years. My son played ball with all the starters from Mill Creek and even some of Dacula and Buford players. Some of those guys went on to play college ball. If you know anything about rec ball now days, especially in Gwinnett, it’s a training ground for the highschool programs. With up to 4 teams each age group, one team quickly ends up being that team of boys that will learn early the highschool plays and be groomed to start on the highschool programs in a few years. We were on that team, starting right along with the best of them. Ask my son was it the same game? Was it real football? He will reply definitely so. Now some teams we played weren’t the same caliber, but the training at Force from experienced college level players (now dads) and playoff caliber teams were definitely true football. Some of the boys off those early Force teams went on to play college ball. One of my son’s best friends is currently a record holder in his division (I think division 2) of college ball for yards carried as a kickoff returner. Other players within our homeschool division were found at schools like Shorter, West GA, Liberty, and even GA Tech.

 I tell the football story first because it’s been the most recent success in homeschool sports and done through all homeschool teams, not just Tim Tebow or Jason Tayler who played in the school systems as a homeschooler. Access laws are not the answer. Both those situations are states that had heavy homeschool regulations and public school oversight. But what about other sports? Both my boys played highly competitive basketball also. The problem in GA is that homeschoolers can’t compete against public school teams. Well they do compete against them in summer leagues and guess what? The homeschoolers can and do win! Homeschool teams can play public school teams in SC and there again – homeschoolers win. There are extremely successful homeschool basketball teams that produce Division 1 athletes all over the country, especially in Oklahoma. Homeschool baseball has probably been around the longest and countless local homeschool athletes went on to play college ball and several even made it to the minors at least. Homeschool fast pitch softball, volleyball, soccer and other sports are on the rise. Sports like swimming, wrestling, golf and other individual success sports are also full of homeschoolers. Not needing full teams they can compete on their own merits. With the extra time and focus on their sport, they are highly successful.

 Homeschool athletes are NCAA eligible athletes. They just need to go online and do an application which entails full explanation of their highschool work, courses, grades, etc. It is not necessary to be through an accredited program to be eligible either. You will just need to ensure that you do the things the NCAA requires like credit hours, testing, etc.

 Drawbacks to homeschool sports are the expense and travel. However, people tell me they can play ball free in the schools. This is NOT the case that I know of. Very few, if any, get highschool sports scholarships. Most players have fees $500-$1000 in their sports, either direct or through REQUIRED fundraising. Because of the limited access to play highly competitive teams sometimes homeschoolers must travel. But highschool players in most sports that are recruited out are found in off season travel ball leagues anyway, not in regular season play.

 What happens with the Tebow or other access laws? More regulations on homeschoolers are probable. In schools that have too many talented kids to play already, your kids probably won’t get a shot. The students in the school alienate the ones that homeschool because it kept their friend from playing or they don’t understand homeschooling. You miss last minute announcements, impromptu practice, etc. The benefits of homeschool sports though are so worth the time and effort. Their teammates are generally like minded Christians, their coaches are homeschool dads or volunteers from the community that see the potential in our young people. A few teams pay coaches but generally these programs exist because of the hard work and dedication of strongly involved homeschool parents that want to ensure their children have the ultimate experiences from their homeschooling.

 But the biggest benefit of all with homeschool sports is we’re one big family. Everyone plays a role in most programs from working concessions to siblings as water boys. I know my kids’ friends and their parents. I don’t send my kids to a game on a bus somewhere. I am there for every step of their experience. Those long car rides are bonding without the distractions of technology (or as much distraction). And they see your investment in their lives and ultimately respect you and love you more for it.

 Author Note: I created Force Athletics in 2004, we participated in another extremely successful competitive sports program that does basketball, baseball, softball and golf, and then we helped form HALO athletics in 2011. I have written a book on how to form a homeschool athletics program and helped programs elsewhere in GA all the way to Louisiana to form. My husband has coached homeschool basketball for 10 years, coaching several national title teams.

Homeschool Priorities

As we start a new school year we should always set and evaluate our priorities. They are more important than anything else we do in preparation for homeschooling. Why you may ask? All other homeschool choices should revolve around proper priorities for you and your homeschooling journey.

How does that work? If your family priority is raising children of character then you want to choose curriculum that reinforces your character values, participate in activities that reinforce character, and when things go awry, re-evaluate your reactions to where that child’s action or your reaction fell in the priorities list. Why does it matter? Many of the causes homeschoolers get burnout is they are trying to direct their homeschool by other people’s standards and not their own. If you priority is not about having a math genius, then why are we having a melt down at the kitchen table over those math problems? That’s not to say that we give up on doing math altogether, but maybe we reevaluate the methods we’re teaching it with, the speed at which we are going or just the recognizing the need to step back and evaluate this in the scheme of your homeschool priorities.

Institutional School priorities consist of compulsory attendance, required knowledge, rule compliance and skill building. These are not bad things but homeschoolers have different priorities. Most often we homeschool our children for a special circumstance, personal family needs or values and/or a child’s well-being. So Homeschool priorities are usually values, attitudes, habits, skills, talents, interests, and knowledge that focus more on that individual child or your family as a whole. Setting priorities help you to have a less stressful homeschool day, enable you to say no to your children as well as to others that infringe on your homeschool day or activities, give you a more defined direction and a criteria for which to measure your homeschool journey.

 Priorities will change over the years. Priorities for one child may be different for another based on their skill sets or challenges. Priorities should also be prioritized. However, everything can’t be a priority. Keep it simple and the obvious priorities should probably be under 5. Those priorities need to look at the big picture not each individual school subject – that’s lesson plans. Priorities can be fluid but ultimately you will find comfort and direction in having set those priorities. It’s like the old saying goes, “Don’t set the cart before the horse.” The schooling is the cart but you’re missing the horse if you don’t have priorities.

The After Life (Homeschool Empty Nester)

This year has been a year of transitions. My baby went off to college, I stepped down from homeschool leadership and am trying to find that "real job".  Hundreds of resumes later and a long list of no's will do a number on your self esteem.  I have a four year degree in Marketing; so 20 years later it's outdated.  I have management experience in retail and admin experience as well, also apparently outdated. I have run a very successful non-profit for the last 20 years but the problem there is salary and raises are ZERO, thereby no substantial job history.  It's frustrating to say the least.

So what did I do the last 20 years. I raised two children, boys at that. I should have received hazard pay. I homeschooled all 13 grades of school, twice. So the homeschool mom is a professional cook, taxi driver, teacher, housecleaner, etc. The quote below is just for a stay at home mother not a homeschool mom. I can't find the article now but that figure was three times this one.

"Research conducted by Salary.com has revealed that the average stay-at-home mother contributes a total of 94.7 hours of work to her household each week, and that it would cost a total of $112,962 annually to compensate these efforts. While this vast sum is no surprise given the myriad chores that the stay-at-home parent has to undertake, it is in fact far lower than the $138,094 value applied to the work of stay-at-home moms in 2007."
Read more: The Worth Of Stay-At-Home Parents | Investopedia http://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0712/the-worth-of-stay-at-home-parents.aspx#ixzz4WbXiX5KO 

In addition, I created a homeschool group that grew from 5 families to 600 - leadership, management, marketing, accounts receivable, accounts payable, non-profit tax filing, event planning, motivational speaking, academic training, teaching/tutoring all subjects and grades, academic coaching, and probably much, much more, I also created a sports organization for homeschoolers. I assisted several other teams and organizations across the country on how to do the same and then wrote a book on how to do it. I created and coached a speech and debate team that received national level honors in several speech categories and all three types of debate. On the side to make actual money did direct sales, graded English and business communications papers for a local online high school, babysat, waited tables, homeschooled other people's children, and administered standardized testing.

But somehow I'm not actually qualified to do much of anything. New hiring practices all process through standardized on line application processes. These don't translate my skills and experiences and thereby I can't get an interview. The few interviews I do get I'm of course - OVER Qualified.

Words of warning to the mom of that last high school or homeschooled child. Start looking before they graduate. Make connections to people in small businesses that will value what experiences you bring instead of being a resume in a pile in an online recruiting site. If you need to hone up on skills with more training or education, take a refresher class or update certifications. If you're better than me about actually making money in the homeschool field (to me it's been a ministry and it's hard to charge too much) then don't leave the best job you've had. Hopefully these suggestions will improve your transition to the next stage in life.

Burnout

Burnout! We’ve all been there. Some more often than others. We love our children; we want to homeschool; but you’re just done, feeling somewhat like a failure or just too tired to battle any further. Some of the common mistakes we make that take us to burnout are: OVERSCHEDULING, too rigid lesson plans, lack of support, comparing kids, setting goals or expectations too high, or someone within or near the family not adjusting to your homeschool schedule.

 Overscheduling is very common place. In our area there are awesome opportunities for homeschoolers on every corner, homeschool groups, park days, homeschool days at museums, the zoo, the co-op classes, scouts, dance, karate, sports, etc. My kids laugh that we car school at times because we’re always on the go. Some families can handle that better than others. But if you’ve overcommitted your kids in one place you must remember to let up somewhere else. They can’t get math done if you’ve been out of the house every day this week. Now if all those events were worthwhile, then math can wait. If Math means more, then you’ll have to cut some of those good options.

 Lesson Plans can be great but they can also be a great weight around your neck, pulling you under. I venture to say that within the first month everyone’s already off their perfectly designed lesson plan they labored over all summer. It’s been meticulously designed to include every possible element in every subject and works exactly to the day to work though in 180 days. But someone forgot to tell the in-laws, the neighbors, the church committees, the co-op teacher that gave extra homework, etc.

 Interferences are endless. Instead of looking at these inconveniences as detrimental to your homeschool look them in the eye for what they are: learning experiences. As a parent with a child that successfully navigated college it’s very clear that homeschoolers learn and see that there are distractions and interruptions in life. It’s part of the learning process to learn how to navigate them and keep on track. Being able to adjust is a key to an abundant life. Lesson plans may be better if they have general concepts to cover each month with more flexibility in how and when to get those goals accomplished.

 Support issues come in many forms. Maybe you don’t have the support of an extended family members and it’s a frustration. Maybe the lack of support is closer and even a spouse that is always questioning you or requiring proof of success. Maybe your family is supportive but you feel like you’re out there all alone navigating the homeschool world. Homeschool support groups serve this purpose. There are others out there that have the same experiences, problems, relative, tried something you’ve always wondered about, successfully navigated that curriculum, learning disability or have a child with similar tendencies. Surrounding yourself and your children with other homeschoolers help your self confidence and can be very uplifting. It’s always beneficial to be around others that understand what you do day in and day out. Pulling away from other people and homeschooling in isolation is generally going to fester insecurity, loneliness and doubt. Guard your homeschool boundaries from those that figure you’re always available because you’re home or they don’t have anything pressing to do so they figure you don’t either or the exact opposite that they have REAL jobs and you don’t so can you… But do not isolate yourself either. Even most school teachers don’t teach EVERY subject, multiple grade levels. Homeschooling is a unique situation that takes a unique group of friends. We all need help and support at some time in our lives. Successful and/or seasoned homeschoolers can also feel satisfaction and belonging to continue in homeschool activities to help the newbies.

 Other ways to avoid burnout are to set homeschool priorities. Write them down and post them somewhere you’ll see them, because 6 months from now when the burnout starts you’ll have forgotten those priorities. Looking back on those priorities help to keep things in check on regular basis. Remember that if schools had the perfect answers, set up, or curriculum then they would work for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to meet other’s standards. As a homeschooler you have 7 days a week, 365 days a year to get it in and then even next year you are not passing your child on to anyone else. You can cover what you didn’t get to and are well aware of the holes they have that will need additional work. Also the purpose of homeschooling is to teach your child to love to learn. If that goal is accomplished, it won’t matter if anything is missed because they will know how to go back and learn it for themselves.

 So Burnout is natural. You are not a failure. You can do it. Take a few steps to analyze the cause. Take a few days to relax and de-stress then you can get back to it. It’s definitely worth the work and stress.